Maruschak Mommy

When Daddy’s away Allison knows the routine…  Hotdogs on a stick followed by “movie night”.  For movie night we get on our PJ’s, make some popcorn, and all snuggle up in the big share chair.  Tonight’s movie was Finding Nemo – an Allison favorite.  We watched half of it and will probably watch the other half tomorrow night!

The routine is familiar to me, too…  Since Allison was born I have always dreaded having Jim gone in the evening – even for an evening meeting.  I tried not to show my dread because, before having kids, I thought mom’s who couldn’t handle the kids when their husbands were out-of-town were weak.  Little did I know how much a stay-at-home-mom relies on that adult interaction and the little extra help you get when Daddy comes home at night!  I can breathe a sigh of relief when Daddy comes home because I don’t have to be 100%.  I have a back-up.  A buddy.  A relief pitcher.

But lately, Jim has been gone on business trips or at evening meetings more and more.  And I am proud (and a little surprised) to find that I can handle it.  I don’t mind having a hotdogs and movie night with the kids.  I am not as exhausted by the end of the day as I used to be.  I credit this to an improvement in the Postpartum Depression.  But whatever the reason is, it’s empowering.  And that feels good!

Ok, I must confess that everything is not always roses and happiness here in the Maruschak household.  The truth is, I usually blog only the best two or three moments of our day.  In fact, as many of you know, I have struggled with post-partum depression.  Mildly after Allison was born and much worse after Carter was born.  Throw in a move from Massachusetts to Arizona and you have a Mom still trying to get back to “normal”. 

Mostly, life is good.  The kids are beautiful, we love Arizona, and I have a fabulous and supportive husband!  But, there are hardships and gray days in any life.  After the darkness of post-partum depression, I often find myself wondering if what I am feeling is real or is it my irrational PPD brain taking over?  For someone who has always been as controlled and logical as I was, it’s frustrating to look back and see how illogical depression is!

So…  Last night I was have a heartfelt conversation with my husband about my feelings.  I was telling him that sometimes I wonder if I am actually as likable and as insightful as I used to think I was…  And here is his response:

JIM:  You’re brighter than the average bear.  You’re a
smart cookie.  You’re a nice cookie!

If it had been said with any less love or earnestness, I might have taken offense.  But instead he made me laugh – and I vowed to blog his comments.  So now, instead of wondering if I am insightful and likable, I am left wondering – what kind of cookie?

Oatmeal raisin?       Peanut butter?       Sugar?